Enamoured with progress...
We went to church today. Yeah, I know. It was interesting really, I just got up, made some coffee, asked Robbie if he wanted to go, got ready and went. You know what's even crazier? We liked it. Jackson had a blast and wowed the infant room with his butt-scoot...so you know he looks forward to going back. The sermon was the last part of a three part series on the relevancy of scripture in modern life. Somehow it always seems like when we decide to check out a church we are jumping in on the tale end of something, but I digress.
The speaker described our current culture as being "enamoured with progress." The phrase has stuck with me all day and truly, this post has nothing to do with church and everything to do with my own love affair with progress. My head is full and school starts tomorrow and now I have a son and just how much progress does one need in their life?
Finishing my undergrad degree is just what I said, a finish. It's carried on way too long - to the point of being an embarrassement, not an accomplishment. So, naturally, I've begun setting my sights on graduate school. I discovered a couple of days ago that the deadline to apply for the Masters in Public Health degree with KU is March. This application deadline would hopefully give me a nay or yay to start school the following fall. Oh my. The implications of the deadline are scary to me and as much as I want to go I have begun asking myself...how much progress does one need?
I actually Googled who should go to graduate school like Google is some mysterious crystal ball with all the answers I need to succeed in life. Pathetic, I know. It certainly is no crystal ball, but I did find a few things to ponder. For instance, is the degree you'd like to attain going to improve your career options or simply give you something to do while you aimlessly waste away more money you don't have for another degree you will never use? I embellished that last part, but valid questions nonetheless. The good news here is I do believe the MPH degree would greatly enhance my career - something even a year ago I cared very little about. For many in my position this would seem a no-brainer. And I suppose that gets to the core of my problem. My brain.
I'm worried. Insecure. Afraid. The What if Monster has me in his grubby little hands. My brain doesn't fire like it did. There is no rapid response here. I am terrified even more of the Math Monster and the You Failed Monster. They are just so mean and hairy and poorly dressed. I'm tired of feeling so inadequate and succumbing to such insecure feelings. I am so acutely aware of these feelings and yet feel helpless against them. Stupid awareness. It's not all that and a bag of chips. And whoever said, "knowing is half the battle" forgot to also say, "and good luck with that other half - it's a real bitch."
Sometimes I wonder if my internal need to finish more school is wrapped up in feeling so darn insecure about everything else. **ding, ding, ding**
Well...the good news is this: I think we found a new church home. Considering it's been 7 years since the last time we were actively involved in church, I think this is pretty big. Oh, and I start statistics tomorrow and pretty much feel like throwing up because I am so nervous.
I'm beginning to think church and statistics are inextricably linked. "God, please don't let me look like a 33 year-old freshman statistics class attendee fool. Amen."
The speaker described our current culture as being "enamoured with progress." The phrase has stuck with me all day and truly, this post has nothing to do with church and everything to do with my own love affair with progress. My head is full and school starts tomorrow and now I have a son and just how much progress does one need in their life?
Finishing my undergrad degree is just what I said, a finish. It's carried on way too long - to the point of being an embarrassement, not an accomplishment. So, naturally, I've begun setting my sights on graduate school. I discovered a couple of days ago that the deadline to apply for the Masters in Public Health degree with KU is March. This application deadline would hopefully give me a nay or yay to start school the following fall. Oh my. The implications of the deadline are scary to me and as much as I want to go I have begun asking myself...how much progress does one need?
I actually Googled who should go to graduate school like Google is some mysterious crystal ball with all the answers I need to succeed in life. Pathetic, I know. It certainly is no crystal ball, but I did find a few things to ponder. For instance, is the degree you'd like to attain going to improve your career options or simply give you something to do while you aimlessly waste away more money you don't have for another degree you will never use? I embellished that last part, but valid questions nonetheless. The good news here is I do believe the MPH degree would greatly enhance my career - something even a year ago I cared very little about. For many in my position this would seem a no-brainer. And I suppose that gets to the core of my problem. My brain.
I'm worried. Insecure. Afraid. The What if Monster has me in his grubby little hands. My brain doesn't fire like it did. There is no rapid response here. I am terrified even more of the Math Monster and the You Failed Monster. They are just so mean and hairy and poorly dressed. I'm tired of feeling so inadequate and succumbing to such insecure feelings. I am so acutely aware of these feelings and yet feel helpless against them. Stupid awareness. It's not all that and a bag of chips. And whoever said, "knowing is half the battle" forgot to also say, "and good luck with that other half - it's a real bitch."
Sometimes I wonder if my internal need to finish more school is wrapped up in feeling so darn insecure about everything else. **ding, ding, ding**
Well...the good news is this: I think we found a new church home. Considering it's been 7 years since the last time we were actively involved in church, I think this is pretty big. Oh, and I start statistics tomorrow and pretty much feel like throwing up because I am so nervous.
I'm beginning to think church and statistics are inextricably linked. "God, please don't let me look like a 33 year-old freshman statistics class attendee fool. Amen."
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