The countdown begins...

Okay, where did June go? In only 34 short days I will return to work with a vengeance and yes, I counted, and yes, I probably should not have. There are two sides to this story and finding peace with both sides is going to take some serious time. Jackson starting daycare brings tears to my eyes. He's so little and needs so much and despite feeling a bit stir crazy being at home day in and day out, I am perfectly happy to be the one meeting his needs. In fact, I prefer it. Starting my new job will be challenging in a good way and I look forward to seeing all of my co-workers again. I've missed working and I've really missed earning a paycheck. And there you have the two sides.

Choosing to work sounds great...having to work, well, not so much. I am faced with both and fortunately for me and my family I have been given a terrific opportunity to work for a good company with great benefits in an important role. These are the things I keep trying to remind myself of. The flip side is I leave my baby in the care of strangers and trust they will care for him as I would - or at least kind of like I would. Ugh. I hate admitting that last part.

People tell me this will be harder on me than Jackson, that he will do just fine, that I may in fact be a better mother to Jackson due to the separation during the day. I want, desperately, to believe all of this and I imagine I will just have to see it to believe it. Faith in the unknown. I've always struggled with that one.

Returning to work in a new role with new responsibilities will take its' toll. The foggy haze that is caring for a newborn is starting to lift a bit and I certainly hope I can retain what brain cells are left in order to explain genetic testing to patients. Oh, goodness...there's just so much to worry about and well, looky there, I have 34 days with which to worry only about returning to work and a lifetime to worry about everything else! Lucky me.

In baby news, well, Jackson is just great. He's cute as a button and today as I was changing his diaper I leaned over towards his face, stuck my tongue out at him and then smiled. He mimicked both and as if a magic wand had been waved I forgot how many times I was spit up on this week. Who knew a smile could perform miracles?

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