It's only 8:19 am and I have a few working brain cells...

So, I thought I would spend some time here utilizing a few of them.

Here's me in all my 33 Weeks Pregnant Glory. Good grief look at that gut! No wonder I am so slow and tired. Overall, generally speaking and considering the obvious, energy sapping tag along living inside my body, I feel good.

I had a mini-meltdown yesterday morning as I contemplated the overwhelming thoughts of laboring without medication. I looked at Robbie and said, "I am starting to fear not being able to do this the way I really want to....I am starting to fear failing this labor thing." Robbie's response was, "Catie, if you go to the hospital with a baby in your belly and leave with it a few days later outside of your belly then you have not failed." God, I love that man. And he is so right.

I have been reading and studying and preparing for the end of this pregnancy journey so much lately. I feel like I am cramming for a gigantic test and there might be algebra on it or geometry or calculus (all of which I am TERRIBLE) or it could be all essay questions...on topics I know nothing about. I am truly trying to prepare for a complete unknown event. The only givens are certain things may or may not occur and I need to be prepared to have an answer and action for whatever pops up. The really good thing about all of my studying is I am finding out more and more about how the body is a remarkable instrument. I am learning how to trust my body and read its' cues. I can honestly say, this is new for me and I now have a new found respect for my physical and mental self and for the gift of life.

One of the clinics I will be helping with in my new job is a fertility clinic for breast cancer patients. Women, mostly of child-bearing years, come to see the fertility specialist in our clinic to discuss ways of preserving their ability to have children. Sadly, treating breast cancer oftentimes throws women into menopause and can require the removal of female organs. I've been thinking a lot about how my personal pregnancy experience will help me in this particular clinic.

Yesterday, I ran into one of Dr. Fabian's patients and as she marveled at how much I'd "grown" since the last time I saw her we began to have a discussion about motherhood and becoming a mom and how much life is changed and how much she wanted to have her three children. She asked me how I was coping with the emotional aspect of my life morphing into this new direction and role and I told her I was incredibly anxious and at peace with the notion all at the same time. It was only during this conversation that I had learned she was one of those breast cancer patients unable to preserve her fertility. Each one of her precious boys, all of whom I have had the privilege to meet, were adopted. I left her and our conversation with a realization that the women I am so fortunate to meet and work with help me more than I could ever help them. For this particular patient her inability to have children because of cancer only made her resolve to become a mother that much more palpable and real. Her focus changed and her final goal achieved. She embraces her role as a mother with a delight that is contagious and I walked away feeling more blessed and excited about becoming a mom for the very first time.

Comments

Heather, Neilson, Grace & Creighton said…
robbie is a very wise man. you will do great catie and i can't wait to see jackson!
2:00 PM
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