The ABC'S we all must face to try to keep a little grace...
I've been enjoying my new job and my new work schedule so much I forgot how sometimes there can be bad days at work. I guess I also forgot how those kinds of days can wreck my confidence and cause anxiety. I've spent the better part of my day forcing myself to focus on the task at hand and not on what other people may or may not be thinking of me and the job I do. Don't worry, I get great feedback from the right (or at least the ones that pay me) people (namely the many bosses in my life), it's just all of the others....the co-workers. Did I just hear a collective sigh?
I have learned the lessons of office politics and the incredible hatred it accompanies. I have learned them well, been chewed up and spit out by them in fact. I have lost meaningful friendships over the pettiness of office gossip and open mouthed frustration. I have experienced so much pain by partaking in such childish behavior. The 5 minute sense of "belonging" will never, ever fill the gap of the friends hurt, or lost to me. Yes, I have learned my lesson well and so, Grown-up Catie simply does not participate. I leave the room if the chattiness begins, or if I feel I am being dragged into a conversation I simply do not want to be part of. I work really hard to eliminate opportunities for hurtful choices. Seriously. That's exactly what I do. I am kind to everyone....even the people who are not kind in return. And I don't pretend to be kind, in that, you're probably too dumb to know the difference, way. No, no...from day one I genuinely became interested in my co-workers, whatever they chose to share with me about their lives and the job we were working on together to accomplish. It took me a long time to learn these skills and for the first time I really felt a measure of success with the catching flies with honey approach....that is until today.
It wasn't anything specific, just a notion that I was - well, left out. I've been placed in a clinic that is somewhat isolated from my other co-workers and I am so incredibly busy when I'm at work that I rarely have time for anything but the simple day-to-day catching up with the co-workers I run in to. This is all fine and well, but in our meeting this morning I had a distinct sense I was not exactly accepted as One of the Team.
I spent way more time today mulling this sensation over than I should have and my conclusion has to be the following: I have made it abundantly clear I will not engage in hurtful conversation and apparently to feel like part of the Team, this is expected. Amazing.
Fortunately, I am a Big Girl and other than this post and a somewhat absent-minded day at work, I plan on spending less time worrying about these feelings and more time focusing on being authentic. I suppose the first bad day in five months is a pretty good indicator I am focusing on the right stuff...I guess I just got a little sidetracked today.
Oh well a touch of grey
Kind of suits you anyway
That was all I had to say and
It's alright
I have learned the lessons of office politics and the incredible hatred it accompanies. I have learned them well, been chewed up and spit out by them in fact. I have lost meaningful friendships over the pettiness of office gossip and open mouthed frustration. I have experienced so much pain by partaking in such childish behavior. The 5 minute sense of "belonging" will never, ever fill the gap of the friends hurt, or lost to me. Yes, I have learned my lesson well and so, Grown-up Catie simply does not participate. I leave the room if the chattiness begins, or if I feel I am being dragged into a conversation I simply do not want to be part of. I work really hard to eliminate opportunities for hurtful choices. Seriously. That's exactly what I do. I am kind to everyone....even the people who are not kind in return. And I don't pretend to be kind, in that, you're probably too dumb to know the difference, way. No, no...from day one I genuinely became interested in my co-workers, whatever they chose to share with me about their lives and the job we were working on together to accomplish. It took me a long time to learn these skills and for the first time I really felt a measure of success with the catching flies with honey approach....that is until today.
It wasn't anything specific, just a notion that I was - well, left out. I've been placed in a clinic that is somewhat isolated from my other co-workers and I am so incredibly busy when I'm at work that I rarely have time for anything but the simple day-to-day catching up with the co-workers I run in to. This is all fine and well, but in our meeting this morning I had a distinct sense I was not exactly accepted as One of the Team.
I spent way more time today mulling this sensation over than I should have and my conclusion has to be the following: I have made it abundantly clear I will not engage in hurtful conversation and apparently to feel like part of the Team, this is expected. Amazing.
Fortunately, I am a Big Girl and other than this post and a somewhat absent-minded day at work, I plan on spending less time worrying about these feelings and more time focusing on being authentic. I suppose the first bad day in five months is a pretty good indicator I am focusing on the right stuff...I guess I just got a little sidetracked today.
Oh well a touch of grey
Kind of suits you anyway
That was all I had to say and
It's alright
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