Good Friday...

A sign of things to come...the daffodils are popping up and giving the front of our house a rejuvenated "Hey! Things are alive here!" look. At the end of every day I come home and greet these small miracles and on a beautiful day like today they even get their picture taken.

It's Easter weekend and the church Robbie and I have been attending is having an Art show Saturday night, vigil services and Easter services. I even heard there would be some Stations of the Cross action, which thanks to my recent Catholic education, I am now well-versed in. I've been thinking all week about what we would attend and ultimately what I would wear, specifically to the Easter Sunday service.

Growing up my parents did the usual Easter stuff - baskets filled with candy, church and a big Sunday meal. We lived away from extended family so it was usually the four of us and the GI's dad knew who needed a family to hang with on a holiday. There is this one picture of my brother Daniel, me and our neighborhood friends all standing outside of our house in Okinawa. I would have been around 7 or 8, which would make Daniel 5 or 6. The picture was taken on Easter Sunday and I think it was taken right before we left for church. I am proudly showing off my braided hair (it was special braided hair, French braided hair!) - which, if I remember correctly, Mom had someone do for me - and I am holding my parents bibles. It's a sweet little picture, the other kids aren't dressed for Easter Sunday, they just happened to be out and came over to see us off I guess. I suppose this is the only time I remember dressing for Easter.

Fast forward to the dreaded teen years and you have a completely different story on your hands. I hated Easter. Hated it. I was never one for fashion and always felt awkward and out of place when I wore a dress. I had these jeans I loved and actually had embroidered flowers up and down the legs of them. My best friend, Jamie and my Mom ganged up on me one day and made me throw them out. Honestly, if I could have, I would have just worn those to church on Easter Sunday. Unfortunately we attended a church where traditionally one "dressed their best" on Easter Sunday.

Now, I knew my parents couldn't necessarily afford to go out and buy me a brand new dress and shoes to wear on this one day of the year and frankly, something tells me that even if they had offered I still would have turned them down. However, showing up on Easter Sunday in the same old same old was always really devastating for me. I felt out of place, not as pretty as the other girls, different. I am certain these feelings were natural and typical for the angst ridden teen and I am also certain I wasn't the only girl feeling this way....but.....when I think back I am frustrated with where my thoughts and emotions were focused. Useless, damaging thoughts about absolutely nothing substantial and meaningful for my life.

It's Holy Week and honestly, in the last few years this has meant very little to me. However, in the last few months Robbie and I have made a greater attempt to attend church regularly.We even participated in Lent, a time of renewal, refocus, remembering. I am grateful for our feeble attempts to worship and join others in holy communion and I am also grateful Easter is upon us once again. But sometimes old habits never die and I have found myself reverting to that silly mindset of "What will others be wearing? What should I wear?"
Oh so humbly I am reminded:

^{25 -26}"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

^{27 -29}"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.

^{30 -33}"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

³⁴"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. (Matthew 27-34, The Message)