I have no idea why, but...

today was a really, really bad day at school.

I had such a nice weekend, rested well and was extremely productive. This usually means my Monday will fall nicely into place and I will approach teaching Art with enthusiasm. I planned my clothes last night so I could sleep a few minutes longer this morning, had time to make coffee and eat a little cereal, felt ready with my lessons plans....and my day still felt like a total waste of time. I was frustrated early and often this morning with the kids and at times felt completely apathetic about being a "teacher." (Hmmm, apparently still feeling this way, notice the "")

I was, in no way, interested, at all, in being Mrs. Knight, the Art Teacher today. Again, I have no idea why and maybe it's this mystery that is bothering me more than anything. I completely get not being in love with your profession every waking minute....it's not that. I really did not want to be there.

There once was a time in my life when I truly felt if I was miserable in a job for even a day it was time to change jobs. I was 17 and still ravaged by immature thinking, and acting and well, let's face it, immature everything. Fortunately, for me, and my current co-workers, I now understand bad days will inevitably occur and when I am working at the hospital the other four days of the work week I leave my job and think, "Sure hope tomorrow is better than today!" That's it...over...done....and room for some hope for the future.

Teaching just feels a bit different to me for some reason. Maybe it's the incredible expectations I either have placed upon myself or society has placed on teachers in general. Every day children go home from school and everyday parents ask, "What did you learn today?" By lunchtime today I was thinking this is how those conversations would go, Parent: Hi sweetie, what did you learn in Art today? Child: NOT to make Mrs. Knight mad!

I need to work on recognizing that teaching requires so much of me already and I really ought to allow myself to leave at the end of the day and say, "Gee, today was really hard....I hope next week is better!"

I voiced my feelings to Mrs. Nelson today and she said, "Yeah I know what you mean, but I have to come back tomorrow."

Ahhhh, touché.

Comments

Laura said…
It is the holiday. No one, and I mean NO ONE, wants to be at school this week. Weeks like this are just an exercise in misery for all teachers. Take comfort in the fact that you were the fun teacher that gave them the chance to paint. You were ranked much higher than me in their little books today:)
10:19 PM
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