You'll do best...

The other day I was talking with a good friend and she looked at me and asked, "Are you feeling okay? You seem a bit depressed?" I am one of those unfortunate souls who has a difficult time concealing my feelings, emotions, physical aches and pains, etc. I don't just wear my heart on my sleeve I wear it ALL on my sleeve, cuffs, collar, wherever it will fit. A fellow blogger of mine mentioned the other day that she was an all or nothing kind of person...she is either hot or cold, up or down, the middle is hard to find and as she put it, "even her medium is extreme." I can totally relate. With me, chances are, you either know it or you don't and I will usually always tell you either way. That said, I answered, "Yeah, I am in the dumps."

Now, I completely realize the circumstances of my life right now. I just moved, our kitchen sink has been broken for over a week, I am nearing the end of yet another semester and my first year of teaching, none of which I am feeling particularly good about right now, and physically I am tired, out of shape (or in a shape I can no longer define with geometry...oh wait, round is technically a shape, right?) and ready for, geez, I don't know what. Something. That's it. I am restless. My mind takes me places I don't really want to go and shouldn't go.

The other day I stumbled across a different version of one of my favorite Bible verses:

"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me." Philippians 4:8-9

If Emeril was the one reading the verse to me he would've definitely ended it with a big ole "BAM!" I nearly fell out of my chair when I read it, it struck such a nerve. My friends' words were resonating in my head as well, because she is the kind of friend who tells me the things I need to hear, not the things I want to hear. It all tied together. My mind wasn't filled with true and gracious things, but rather junk...too much junk.

The best, not the worst, beautiful not ugly, gracious, authentic. These things are not too terribly hard to distinguish, so why is it so hard to dwell on them instead of other things? What benefit do I receive from focusing on the worst? Easy answer, zilch, nada, zip, nothing. Not. One. Thing.

The verse sums it all up by breaking it all down...one by one...do these things and then practice, practice, practice. Oh, yeah, I forgot, these things don't come naturally to me, to anyone. I have to practice, meditate, remember because I apparently forgot.

Comments

Unknown said…
Bixby, Oklahoma is a great place to stop on the way to Destin. There is a cutting ranch there, The 181, where you can ride, rope, or do whatever your heart desires. There's a great place to eat there (when Mark's on the grill), and a vacant bedroom. But, most importantly, someone that loves and adores you!!!
12:25 PM
Anonymous said…
Yep, that lady is right, Bixby is a great place!!!! I recommend a stop there on your way to wherever or just for a visit sometime. There are so many folks there that love you.

From your other "L" Bixby aunt
12:58 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Settling in...

Next month marks our 8th Moved to Kansas City Anniversary. Eight years and I am just now feeling like we are settling in. Life is moving along at a steady clip. I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook, but thank goodness it exists or I would never know anything about anybody. Having a small child seems to suck you into this introverted world where all you (feel) like you do is pick up toys, read Little Golden Books and sing The Wheels On the Bus. But, of course, this is only partially true. As disconnected as I feel to the world outside of my home and the Cancer Center, I am that much more connected to my beautiful son. I am learning to accept that "balance" is a myth. Lately, I've spent a lot of time challenging my notion of health and wellness. Robbie and I joined a gym and I am actually committing time to go. In fact, I even made the large investment to work with a personal trainer. I am trying so incredibly hard to hang up my discomfort and unease about my bod...
Read more

I knew I was forgetting something...

Image
Writing and keeping a journal has always been cathartic for me and I think often, "I should jot that down." The many " thats " that have gone by since last July are almost too numerous to count, and frankly, I've sadly forgotten most of them. I love to write and this blog is testament to that. Unfortunately, my time and energy is limited these days and given my OCD nature, I can't just write a simple little update without revision and editing. I've always wanted to be sure I am saying what I mean and mean what I say...and if I can do it eloquently with a little additional thought, well even better. And that's where I struggle these days. It seems my brain power is more focused on the miles of pages that need to be read for class, remembering to pick my child up from daycare and staying on top of a job that, at times, consumes more of my life than I'd rather admit. Needless to say, I'm busy and taking time to sit, think, ponder and write (gra...
Read more

Gaining wait...

The heaviness of a few extra pounds compares little to the heaviness of grief. I'm feeling quite heavy these days and am impatiently waiting for a lighter spirit. The Daily Cancer Grind makes me weary and a little over a week ago Robbie's cousin lost her precious 4 month old daughter, Kate. Attending the funeral did little to ease the grief, but spending time with Kate's twin sister, her mommy, daddy and other caring relatives helped (a little) in redirecting the anger I was feeling. Am feeling. The grief in that home was palpable. It breathed, rattled the walls. We are losing patients, naturally...the holidays are approaching. I saw it in the funeral industry and the hospice industry and now the cancer care industry. People decline this time of the year. Not that the holidays are depressing enough. It's different this time though. I'm losing friends. Some of these women I see more than my best gal pals. I'm watching their decline and wishing on anything, everyt...
Read more