I've made a decision...part deux...

Believe me, there will be parts trois, quatre, cinq and so on....I tend to make A LOT of decisions.

So this morning, while enjoying my morning ritual of breakfast and coffee, which was slightly interrupted b/c I am out of Honey Nut Cheerios, I changed the channel. Normally I watch a bit of the news while I drink the coffee part of my morning ritual, but it is obviously a slow news day and I wasn't particularly interested in learning about the new Smart Bomb (sorry Dad). Yes, I changed the channel to one of my favorites, Discovery Health. Lucky for me a new show was beginning, I wouldn't miss a thing. Now, anyone who knows me for, well, at least 15 minutes, knows I am fascinated with medical anything. I like to watch Life in the ER, while Robbie shudders and yells for me to change the channel. I probably should have considered nursing as a career...but I digress. The bottom line is I am interested and I like to feed my brain with as much of the details of my body as possible. So, when I saw that Conception to Birth was beginning....well, let's just say I was interested and invested.

OK, currently, in my life, I know three women who are pregnant. My good friend Mrs. Nelson is due in a few weeks (or sooner - but, it better be after the 27th - Laresa & I have a shower to throw!), my cousin Sarah (and fabulous Maid of Honor) is scheduled for a C-Section on the 25th so we can finally meet Miss Maggie and Noah can finally become a big brother, and my sister-in-law Kim is due with her first in June. Of course there were others before these three that I witnessed the miracle of life with and extraordinarily it never gets old! Every new pregnancy and birth is a complete marvel all on it's own.

The thing is this...I know my time is coming. Robbie is ready to be a Dad and I am ready to think, seriously, about becoming a Mom. Granted, nothing is guaranteed, ever, but we are also very realistic about all of the other parenthood possibilities as well. You see, if there were two people who were ever really "ready" to crash into babydom it would be Robbie and I. So, I know we are on our way and this is what makes me "invested." On the otherhand, I've a few things that need to be wrapped up. I am a planner at heart and for my own sanity and the sanity of the poor man who lives with me, well, it's just for the best that I focus on one major objective at a time. This certainly is a dilemma for me though and that brings me back to the fated channel change.

I guess I am just "at that age" when those closest to you start their families and conversations go from, "Man, I can't believe I drank that whole bottle of wine" to "Should I get the Diaper Champ or the Diaper Genie?" It's actually quite comical when you think about how quickly your life changes because the lives of those around you are changing. Sometimes I can't distinguish between the personal desire to become a parent or the personal desire to continue fitting in with those around me. But then there are those other times, like today, when I catch a show about how we humans are formed in the womb and I find myself tearing up over how unbelievably unbelievable it all is.

I get it now. It's a true desire of the heart and nearly impossible to explain. One day you're fine with living an eternity without changing one diaper or ever getting puked on ever and then the next day you find yourself convinced it won't be so bad and my marriage won't change that much, and it won't be that expensive, and raising a child couldn't be that difficult, and everyone else seems to manage without too much trauma, right? (*sigh* I only wish I could be that naïve) The truth is I know better, and yet, I still find myself wanting to make the big decision to jump in feet first, screaming all the way. It is a desire of my heart and it is a desire of Robbie's heart (the big softy, baby-lovin', fruitcake he is.)

So, after all that, what was this decision I was making again? I need to buy cereal and I need to just watch the news in the morning, Smart Bombs and all.