Awaiting my place within the ring of calm...
Tomorrow marks my 37th week. My goal for this week is to stay pregnant until our baby shower this Saturday. Life would just be a little more simple if I did and honestly, I really don't want to miss this party. So, hopefully I just didn't jinx myself.
Robbie and I had a very nice weekend planting flowers, taking ridiculously long naps, spending time with friends and generally just enjoying the spontaneity of our current life. We are both acutely aware this will be changing in a dramatic way very, very soon so going to see the new Star Trek flick at 8:30 pm on a Sunday night seemed more than justified, it seemed quite necessary.
I am continuously amazed at how completely exhausted I become after doing some of the most mundane things like standing in line to check out, making the bed, emptying the dishwasher, watching Robbie plant flowers. Moving around is slow and cumbersome and the general feeling I use to describe myself these days is "heavy". I have to say, however, I have been extremely fortunate in this pregnancy to only experience these common feelings. Some women barely make it out of bed during their 9 months. So...in other words...I'm not complaining, just....documenting.
I saw my doctor last Friday and everything is pretty much the same. My cervix is 80% effaced and still dilated to 3 cm. It's anyone's guess when Jackson will decide to make our acquaintance. I do know there are a lot of people looking forward to meeting him including his anxious parents. A few years ago Robbie and I were at our friends, the Hendrick's, house for dinner. Emma wasn't born yet...but well on her way. The baby room was done and as I wandered up to the bathroom I caught a glimpse of Dr. Laura sitting in the glider, her hands on her belly, contently rocking. She had stolen a moment away to be with herself and her baby in a room organized to nurture. The work had been done and the last bit of waiting required slowing down. I have often thought about this sweet glimpse of the expectant mother and now I understand. I understand the increased level of contemplation, the preservation of energy, the notion of "I've done everything I can to prepare, now let's just wait patiently."
I have no idea what kind of mother I am going to be and chances are my methods will change at a rapid pace with an attempt to keep up with my rapidly growing child. I do know I am forever changed, my focus has been redirected, my life of self indulgence is morphing into what's ultimately best for someone else. It all seems like such a tall order, an impossible task. I've read the books, taken the classes, researched my questions....and now I wait, patiently, a few minutes each day, rocking in Jackson's room knowing the impossible stillness will come alive soon enough.
Robbie and I had a very nice weekend planting flowers, taking ridiculously long naps, spending time with friends and generally just enjoying the spontaneity of our current life. We are both acutely aware this will be changing in a dramatic way very, very soon so going to see the new Star Trek flick at 8:30 pm on a Sunday night seemed more than justified, it seemed quite necessary.
I am continuously amazed at how completely exhausted I become after doing some of the most mundane things like standing in line to check out, making the bed, emptying the dishwasher, watching Robbie plant flowers. Moving around is slow and cumbersome and the general feeling I use to describe myself these days is "heavy". I have to say, however, I have been extremely fortunate in this pregnancy to only experience these common feelings. Some women barely make it out of bed during their 9 months. So...in other words...I'm not complaining, just....documenting.
I saw my doctor last Friday and everything is pretty much the same. My cervix is 80% effaced and still dilated to 3 cm. It's anyone's guess when Jackson will decide to make our acquaintance. I do know there are a lot of people looking forward to meeting him including his anxious parents. A few years ago Robbie and I were at our friends, the Hendrick's, house for dinner. Emma wasn't born yet...but well on her way. The baby room was done and as I wandered up to the bathroom I caught a glimpse of Dr. Laura sitting in the glider, her hands on her belly, contently rocking. She had stolen a moment away to be with herself and her baby in a room organized to nurture. The work had been done and the last bit of waiting required slowing down. I have often thought about this sweet glimpse of the expectant mother and now I understand. I understand the increased level of contemplation, the preservation of energy, the notion of "I've done everything I can to prepare, now let's just wait patiently."
I have no idea what kind of mother I am going to be and chances are my methods will change at a rapid pace with an attempt to keep up with my rapidly growing child. I do know I am forever changed, my focus has been redirected, my life of self indulgence is morphing into what's ultimately best for someone else. It all seems like such a tall order, an impossible task. I've read the books, taken the classes, researched my questions....and now I wait, patiently, a few minutes each day, rocking in Jackson's room knowing the impossible stillness will come alive soon enough.
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