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Happy Birthday Lily Blue!

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Settling in...

Next month marks our 8th Moved to Kansas City Anniversary. Eight years and I am just now feeling like we are settling in. Life is moving along at a steady clip. I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook, but thank goodness it exists or I would never know anything about anybody. Having a small child seems to suck you into this introverted world where all you (feel) like you do is pick up toys, read Little Golden Books and sing The Wheels On the Bus. But, of course, this is only partially true. As disconnected as I feel to the world outside of my home and the Cancer Center, I am that much more connected to my beautiful son. I am learning to accept that "balance" is a myth. Lately, I've spent a lot of time challenging my notion of health and wellness. Robbie and I joined a gym and I am actually committing time to go. In fact, I even made the large investment to work with a personal trainer. I am trying so incredibly hard to hang up my discomfort and unease about my bod...
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I knew I was forgetting something...

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Writing and keeping a journal has always been cathartic for me and I think often, "I should jot that down." The many " thats " that have gone by since last July are almost too numerous to count, and frankly, I've sadly forgotten most of them. I love to write and this blog is testament to that. Unfortunately, my time and energy is limited these days and given my OCD nature, I can't just write a simple little update without revision and editing. I've always wanted to be sure I am saying what I mean and mean what I say...and if I can do it eloquently with a little additional thought, well even better. And that's where I struggle these days. It seems my brain power is more focused on the miles of pages that need to be read for class, remembering to pick my child up from daycare and staying on top of a job that, at times, consumes more of my life than I'd rather admit. Needless to say, I'm busy and taking time to sit, think, ponder and write (gra...
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Gaining wait...

The heaviness of a few extra pounds compares little to the heaviness of grief. I'm feeling quite heavy these days and am impatiently waiting for a lighter spirit. The Daily Cancer Grind makes me weary and a little over a week ago Robbie's cousin lost her precious 4 month old daughter, Kate. Attending the funeral did little to ease the grief, but spending time with Kate's twin sister, her mommy, daddy and other caring relatives helped (a little) in redirecting the anger I was feeling. Am feeling. The grief in that home was palpable. It breathed, rattled the walls. We are losing patients, naturally...the holidays are approaching. I saw it in the funeral industry and the hospice industry and now the cancer care industry. People decline this time of the year. Not that the holidays are depressing enough. It's different this time though. I'm losing friends. Some of these women I see more than my best gal pals. I'm watching their decline and wishing on anything, everyt...
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